Feeling frustrated with your husband? Begin trusting the Lord to work in your husband’s life …
When you’re married, it can be easy to imagine what you’d like your spouse to be like.
Remember when you were dating or engaged and thought that eventually you could change something about your boyfriend or fiancé?
If you haven’t noticed already, you’re most likely still waiting for those changes to happen.
I remember being shocked as a newlywed to find out that my husband wouldn’t change his habits just because I asked him. Actually, my requests had an opposite effect. The more that I asked him to change, the more he dug in his heels.
Now that I think about it, I don’t blame him. If he had asked me to give up some of my favorite pasttimes and habits just because he was annoyed, I’m pretty sure I’d stubbornly stay set in my ways. I wasn’t necessarily right in my requests, anyway; they were based on a matter of my preferences.
Instead of nagging your husband into change, try to accept him for who he is. You may still need to confront him about certain issues, but do it wisely and fairly. Just like you wouldn’t like him to nag you into changing who you are, I can guarantee he doesn’t appreciate you nagging him.
The secret to changing
Accepting him for who he is right now is a great act of love – but it’s not to say that he won’t ever change. The way he will change is not through your nagging reminders, though.
No, instead of acting as the agent of change, try praying for your husband instead.
During my days of frustration, I knew my requests would come back empty. So I did the one thing that would make a difference. I prayed and prayed and prayed.
Keep praying for your husband, and when you get annoyed at whatever you think needs to change, pray for him. Pray for the annoying issue. Pray for your heart and attitude. And pray for your marriage to glorify God.
Every time you get annoyed, pray. And every time you feel frustrated, pray. You may need to directly deal with a situation – when you do, pray for the words and wisdom to deal with it. But cover your annoyances and frustrations in prayer.
Trusting the transformation
As you do, trust the Lord to work in your husband’s heart. Trust Him to do the seemingly impossible work of transformation.
It may not happen when you’d like or in the way you’re expecting, but if you’re faithful to keep praying, then truly release your husband to the Lord. Let Him do the hard work – and stop worrying about the burden of doing any (or all) of it on your own.
Could it take a lot longer than you think you’re willing to wait? Possibly. But by trusting the Lord and continuing to faithfully pray, you can surrender that timing to Him. You can also take heart that your husband is accountable for his own actions, habits and words – just like you’re accountable for yours.
As you’re continuing to trust the Lord to change your husband’s heart, spend the time you would take criticizing your husband and search your own heart instead. Pray for him and do the hard soul-searching work of becoming a better wife. (Even when you think you’re a pretty amazing wife, there’s always, always room for improvement.) As you pray, also try to understand your husband a little more.
Throughout this process, your husband may end up changing – but for sure, your own heart will be transformed.
What helps you to step back and trust the Lord to work in your husband’s life?
Disclaimer: I am a trained journalist – not a trained counselor. If you need help with your marriage, please seek the counsel of a professional.
Disclosure: Links in this post may be affiliate links. This means that, at no added cost to you, I may make a commission on products purchased through these links. Thank you for supporting this website!
All images courtesy of Unsplash.
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busynothingsmom says
Good thoughts. Praying Scripture has been hugely impactful on our marriage. Praying for God to give me wisdom as I address issues has been helpful too. Nobody enjoys feeling criticized and our husbands are not the exception! Yes, there is a place for loving confrontation when a behavior is harmful to him and/or others, but 90% of the time I need to say less and pray more.
Hannah says
needed this today, thank you.
Ann says
I prayed today and told God our marriage is in his hands and to please help my husband know what his calling is and to show me one way or another/ give me a sign as to what i should do about our “problems” we are having. And that I can’t do it by myself and our marriage is all in his hands and my husbands because I don’t know what else I can do and I’m getting exhausted emotionally. I pray everyday and every chance I get for things to get better and then today I came across this post and I almost fell over. Is this my sign I was looking for or what. Thank you for this I totally believe in prayer and when you pray to God he will answer
Thank you
Hilary says
Oh, Ann. Thank you so much for sharing … how absolutely amazing that God spoke to you through this post! Keep praying, and keep trusting Him! He’ll work all things out in His timing.
Anonymous says
Awesome advice, I have been praying for years, this problem with my husband still remains unfortunately, but I am not giving up, i know i need to stop nagging him, he even tells me im like a dripping faucet. I need to read this everyday as a reminder, Thank you and may the Lord Bless You. Rene
Hilary says
I love that you’re not giving up, Rene! Keep praying!! It may feel like it’s taking a long time, but God is at work!
Marian says
This has been my testimony. It’s not a habit of my husband that I wanted to change that I’ve been praying for. It was a spiritual obstacle that I was asking God for my husband to overcome.
At some point, I already felt hopeless about our situation. Like I said to God in my prayers, I didn’t know what to pray for anymore. But God was working in my husband’s heart. And unknowingly to me, He was also working at mine, too! We both came out from that situation better and stronger as a couple and as servants of Christ. That’s what prayer does!
Inda says
Thank you so much Hilary. I’m so blessed by this writing of yours. God bless you and continue to use you for His glory.
mollie says
Thank you, that is incredibly helpful and wise advice.
Much appreciated,